Random thoughts

I never understood the expression “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?”

Wouldn’t a St.Peter joke about 4 Nuns dying and going to heaven work better?

Whoever thinks heaven is “heaven” has not met the file clerk responsible for keeping track of all those individual life plans. Everytime someone is born, dies, or changes religions you have to reorganize.

The Saved, The Damned, and the Republican Party.

Apparently some heavenly job assignments aren’t quite Nirvana.

And I’ve read the Bible, cover to cover, even the red words, and sense of humor does not come to mind. Not even in the funny parts.

******

One annoying modern hazard our ancient (pre-cellphone) ancestors never had to encounter, cellphone conversations in a public bathroom.

Really? If most of the conversations are universally similar to the ones I’ve been forced to endure, we are a pathetic race when it comes to prioritizing.

Here’s an idea, if a cellphone is dropped, drowned, or otherwise damaged in a bathroom (public or private) it automatically nullifies any warranty or insurance.

Maybe monitoring this can be a new function for TSA. TSA/PTSD, To Silence America, Public Toilet Silencing Division

******

Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?

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Why do they have Braille symbols on a drive up ATM? I mean how the hell are they supposed to push the buttons with that four foot red-tipped cane thingy?

******

We could learn something about life and perseverance from leaves. Even in death some of them keep hanging on.

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I think Chick-Fil-A is going about this all wrong, missing the perfect marketing opportunity. Add a little God to a BLT, move around some letters, and you can have a GLBT. Might capture a bit of the Gay market that you lost with the Dark Ages Customer Relations Pogrom you’ve adapted.

******

In a recent story in the AP by:

DEB RIECHMANN, Associated Press

“Mullah Mohammad Omar, the one-eyed chief of the Afghan insurgency, emailed his eight-page message to news organizations ahead of the Eid al-Fitr holiday marking the end of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan.”

I need to take a moment to dissect this.

“Mullah Mohammad Omar” an Imam of the Islamic faith that believes in the Koran (and all the other spellings) as the absolute word of God, lives in caves, wants the world (well mostly men) to join him, with his one working eye, uses email?

Eight pages?

To borrow from the modern culture of which I am almost equally out of touch….

Bitch, yes you, use your good eye, emails are NEVER 8 pages, they are abbreviated with things no one ever heard of, lack even rudimentary spelling, and are essentially, well, archaic. Man, you are right on message.

Man, we don’t need to use Navy Seals, Marine Recon, Army Green Berets, Rangers, or anything…….. to find him.

Apparently all we need is a Facebook junkie, of which we have an abundance, to track the bastard down, “Friend” him and then let one of the above categories of well-trained, disciplined, literate, humans send him to his god.

You know what we need on call every moment? A menstruating, lesbian, atheist, Marine markswomen, with a bacon-tipped, sniper round.

Don’t Blink 🙂

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About Joe Broadmeadow

Joe Broadmeadow retired with the rank of Captain from the East Providence Police Department after serving for 20 years. He is the author of the novels Collision Course, Silenced Justice, and Saving the Last Dragon available on Amazon in print and Kindle. Joe is working o the latest in a series of Josh Williams and Harrison "Hawk" Bennett novels and a sequel to Saving the Last Dragon. In 2014 Joe completed a 2,185 mile thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail
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